Not long ago I was a timid soul afraid to do anything to call attention to myself because of my past. The shame I held in my heart for past mistakes was outright crippling. My mind was weak and I felt my heart even weaker. Why couldn’t I find the strength or courage to make a change? In my mind I kept telling myself that I was not good enough. I kept telling myself that I didn’t deserve to have a chance because I thought I had been a disappointment to so many. The racket in my head was deafening but I couldn’t or wouldn’t turn down the noise. It got louder and louder until I could take it no longer.
One day I woke up and had had enough of living the victim mentality. Now I didn’t speak about it out loud but boy did I scream it every day in my mind. The negative self talk was off the charts. It seemed like almost anything would set me off in my mind. I was good at hiding my pain and it seemed so easy for me to offer others comfort but not myself. I felt like a fake and fraud because I was not addressing my own demons, fears and pains.
I slowly began my journey, and quite reluctantly I may add to transform my mind, my body and my spirit. No longer would I allow my past to dictate my life. I decided to take action and be bold about it. I found myself doing things afraid. I wondered who I was and what I was becoming. My smile became sincere and it was clear that things were taking on a new direction in my life. I started to believe in myself.
The greatest gift I have received in my life thus far has been love. Love from my friends, family and people that I didn’t even know. I began to feel their strength and courage for me. Then I gave the gift of self love to Andrea. I looked in the mirror and there I was, naked and alone with no one around but me and my mirror. I looked at my beautiful face and my beautiful body and embraced who I am right now. It was a feeling of exhilaration and peace at the same time. Was it really this easy? Was this all I had to do all along? Why had I waited to do this. It seemed so simple. Then a quote that I once heard came to me clear as if it was being whispered in my ear. “The things that are easy to do are also easy not to do.” Damn that was pretty direct and to the point.
As I stood in front of the mirror and finally looked at me with a new set of eyes, I began to cry and my body became hot and then cold. What the hell was going on? I didn’t understand. Was I having a breakthrough? As the tears streamed down my face and down my chest, the crying became a waterfall. I felt frozen in that moment, wanting to run but feeling like a concrete statue bolted to the floor. “Andrea, I love you, I really love you. You have such a beautiful smile, and warm loving light brown eyes. Your beautiful dark brown curly hair is just perfect. As I gazed into my own eyes I could hardly make my face because I was crying so much. It was blurry. The boggies began to pour out of my nostrils and I kept hearing myself say all these amazing things about Andrea. “Now look at the rest of your body and truly embrace your own beauty. You don’t need validation from a man! I’ve got your validation and truth.”
I was sobbing uncontrollably and I could not move. “Today you face yourself and you will face your pain. You will stand here until I say you are ready to leave. Tell me 3 things that you love about your body. Don’t give me superficial and cop out just because you’re uncomfortable.” I hesitated and began to search deep inside for the three things I loved about my body. All I could think of was everything that I thought was wrong with me. Stretch marks from having children and yo yo weight gain and loss. A funny looking toenail that was almost non existent, a nub. Scars on my hands, a crooked nose and then I said out loud. “Shut the hell up! No one cares or wants to hear your woe is me sob story about all that you think is wrong with you.” I felt a jolt through my body and I felt confused. Was I really having this conversation with myself right now? If someone could hear my thoughts, they would think I’m crazy. Then I heard another whisper, so gentle and full of love yet direct and to the point. People’s perception of you is none of your business. It was as if Lisa Nichols was standing beside me encouraging me and guiding me. Stand on your story Andrea not in it. I cried some more and wanted to reach out and hug her. I felt her presence and I felt safe.
Now let me tell you why Lisa Nichols was the person that was there in that moment. It was through my experience in that moment that I recalled her book No Matter What! As I had been reading her book, I found that she resonated with me on such a profound level of connection. The more I read the more empowered I felt. Her words inspired me. For nine months her book sat on my bookshelf unmoved and unread. I bought it with the intention of reading it but never got around to it. Then after being a part of an Abundance Now movement on Periscope, her book stood out and I pulled it off the shelf and began to read. The rest is history. I’d been lying on a nail but it didn’t bother me enough to get off of it.
In life we experience many things that at times we find uncomfortable yet we remain stuck and choose to stay stuck. We do have options. Stay stuck and complain or get off the pity potty and start making baby steps to change our circumstances. I had plenty of excuses why I couldn’t do this or that. It was work, family, my past, the weather and other people. I woke up and took ownership of the role I was playing in my small thinking and limiting beliefs.
Get your ass off the pot and make the change you want to see in yourself. The pity party is over. This is how I feel after many years of wallowing in self pity and whining. Truth be told, I don’t think people really want to hear it. So if you’re ready to change your life and you’re scared, do it anyway!